The blended mama

i am a blend of helicopter, tiger, dolphin, bear, sunshine, darkness and everything in between

I have entered the sixth week of pregnancy according to my LMP. I have been having increased cramping and abdominal and groin pain these days. As I am typing this, I can feel a throbbing, electric like sensation in my groin area and a sharp on and off pain towards the left side of my abdomen. The throbbing is frightening me. My doctors’ appointment is on next Monday. This waiting is really dreadful. I peed on a stick this morning and the Test line is really really dark. It means there is  a clear increase in my HCG levels when compared to the last couple of sticks that I had peed on.

During the last three weeks, I had been peeing on sticks frantically to make sure that this pregnancy is not a figment of my overly-imaginative mind. But this week, I have reached a phase. I have had enough of peeing on sticks. I am done with home pregnancy tests. I missed my periods. Now I am sure that I am pregnant. My main concern now is about ‘staying pregnant’ for the next nine months and carrying this baby to term. All this cramping and throbbing are making me worry. I just want to know that everything is OK with the little one inside. Other than the military hospital here, there are no good hospitals or doctors around. So I have to wait till 30th as the army ob/gyn has recommended. I am praying hard for the protection of baby No.2. Though the army doc seemed friendly during our first appointment  which was on 8th Jan, he didn’t seem to note my medical history. Each time I tried to open my mouth, he was gently shutting me up with a smile on his face and the words ’empty uterus’ , ‘too early’ and ‘highly unlikely.’ I have no other option for a second opinion in this place. So I have to remain satisfied with him.                                                                       img_20170123_160132

My digestive system has gone haywire during the last couple of days. If it was constipation yesterday, it is loose bowels today. I am sure pregnancy hormones are to be blamed.  My eating habits aren’t helping either. And, haemorrhoids are painful! I am not new to haemorrhoids, as I have had them during all three of my surgeries, the first one being my c-section, and the other two being back surgeries. It happened after having General Anaesthesia for all the three surgeries. But during my last pregnancy, I never had haemorrhoids. So, this time it is new.

My daughter is very excited about the little one inside. She hopes that it is a girl. She likes to have a sister more than a brother. She is too much into the ‘princess syndrome’ after I bought her Elsa’s costume from ‘Frozen’ complete with a blonde wig, tiara and  wand from Amazon. I bought her all that stuff as an appreciation for her learning Idina Menzel’s rendition of ‘Let it go’. But  lately, she has been getting on my nerves wearing the costume and wig all day and all night. I love the song, but I am starting to hate the dress and the wig especially. Last night, the fibre from the wig was all over my bed and my nose! May be my pregnancy hormones are kicking in. I am really getting sick and tired of this princess shit!

This waiting is dreadful especially since my husband is not around. I am missing him badly. As of now, only three people know about this pregnancy – my husband, my daughter and my best friend. I just couldn’t sit on this news and go on living life as usual. I had to tell someone other than my husband and my daughter.  So a couple of days back, I called up my best friend and told her about it. She is worried that I am alone during this time. She asked me to come over to her place but that is not possible now, because I have to travel 3000 kms to get to her.

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