Hey there, Chaos Coordinators. I hope you’ll bear with me as I veer off from my normal planning and organization articles and instead share something a bit more personal.

Today, I want to take you on a journey—a journey to the shoreline, where the crashing waves serenade the sand, and where, amidst the chaos, there lies a profound lesson: beauty in the brokenness. As I was walking along the beach (six different ones, to be exact) this past week while we were on a quick Spring Break trip, I couldn’t help but reflect on the past few years for our blended family. If you’ve been part of my Chaos Coordinator Community for long, you’ve heard me say that we are in a challenging season, but I haven’t shared much beyond that. I needed this time and space, away from the daily grind, to really be able to look back and where we’ve been and where we are today.

Picture this: you’re strolling along the beach, the salty breeze kissing your cheeks, as your toes sink into the soft sand. As you meander along the shoreline, you notice an array of shells scattered across the sand. Some are whole, pristine in their perfection, while others are fractured, worn by the relentless rhythm of the waves. On this particular beach (Holden Beach, if I remember correctly), the majority of the shells were broken – you had to look really hard to find the whole shells, as those we did manage to find whole were also teeny tiny.

Side note: I found that two french braids was the best beach hairstyle to keep my wispies under control. IYKYK

Isn’t it fascinating how even amongst the broken pieces, there’s beauty to be found? It’s like life itself—filled with cracks and imperfections, yet exuding a breathtaking allure that captivates the soul. At one point along our beach walking, we saw something big in the sand, unmoving though the waves were crashing around it. I thought it was a rock at first (DJ thought it was a horseshoe crab), but when we finally got close enough, we realized it was a beautiful conch shell! It only had one section broken out of it – but it was by far the biggest shell we found the entire trip. Despite the hole in the shell, it was probably in my top three favorite shells that we found on our trip. It reminded me that even with a hole in our family, we are still a family and we still have a story to share. (We did find a teeny tiny conch shell that was still complete!)

Let’s delve a little deeper, shall we? Let’s talk about those broken shells. You see, each crack, each chip tells a story—a story of resilience, of survival against the odds. Just like us, these shells have weathered the storms, yet they emerge, still standing, still beautiful.

Now, let’s shift the spotlight to a different kind of brokenness—the kind that seeps into our hearts, leaving behind scars that only time can heal. I’m talking about family challenges, the kind that weigh heavy on the soul. Like I said, it has been a difficult season for our blended family – for over three years. I don’t talk about it much because, well, it hurts. But also, unless you’ve been in it, it’s hard to understand why decisions were made and it’s easy to pass judgement, thinking you would handle things differently. There are things I would have handled differently, if I could go back and do it again, though I’m not sure it would have changed the outcome of the situation. But I do believe that it’s important to share our stories because someone somewhere is in a similar situation and needs to know that they are not alone.

It’s been three (and a half) long years since I last saw my stepkids. Three years of longing, of heartache, of navigating the complexities of blended families. But amidst the pain, there’s been healing—slow, steady, but oh so powerful. In the beginning, there was just so much pain, confusion, hurt feelings, hurt pride, anger at the accusations thrown our way, and uncertainty about what the road ahead would / should look like. It felt like there was no right answer. It felt like we couldn’t even talk about what was happening because who would even believe it? We could not even really understand what and why things were happening. This was all happening at a time where DJ was also going through some scary medical situations (stress induced dysfunction of the coronary artery was the first diagnosis, with others to come as a result of that).

Somewhere along the way, things changed. Maybe it was acceptance that we aren’t in control? Or a letting go and letting God. I’m not really sure where the turning point began. I know that DJ and I have said many prayers for our family – all of our family – and continue to pray for healing and restoration. We’ve sought counseling where needed. It’s so hard to move forward when part of your family is missing. How can you have a good time when half of your family isn’t there? The internal guilt trip is real, my friend! But with this vacation, I feel like we took the next step and allowed ourselves to find joy even in the midst of our broken family.

You see, in the midst of shattered dreams and unmet expectations, we’ve found strength in each other. We’ve learned to lean on one another, to pick up the pieces and rebuild, brick by brick. Or in some cases, tearing down walls, brick by brick. In doing so, we’ve discovered a resilience we never knew we possessed. Oh friend, we’ve definitely gone through some stuff with these kids! They have gone through things that I wish no child ever had to experience. (Thank God for good counselors!) Yes, there are still arguments between the kids, between kids and parents, and occasionally even disagreements between the parents.

But where we are now is probably the best place DJ and I have been in the nine (and a half) years we have been married. I know that sounds weird given that it is definitely still challenging… There has been so much growth, healing, and forgiveness for both DJ and myself in the past three years, as well as for my two kiddos who’ve done a lot of processing this last year of hurts from their biological father. We are all learning to communicate better with each other, about the good and the bad. The relationship DJ has with Nick and Tori is one that I know that he longs to have with the rest of his children as well. I continue to pray for that to come to fruition.

But here’s the thing, my friend: amidst the brokenness, amidst the longing and the pain, there’s still room for joy. Yes, you heard me right—joy. Because even in the darkest of nights, there’s a glimmer of hope, a flicker of light that refuses to be extinguished. I do believe that one day, our family will come back together and there will be restoration. It isn’t happening in the time that I would prefer, but I believe that God can work miracles in the most broken of situations and put those pieces back together.

So, as you navigate your own journey of healing, remember this: like the shells on the shore, you are beautiful, flaws and all. And though the road may be rocky, though the waves may crash against your spirit, know that you are not alone.

Let’s embrace the brokenness; let’s cherish the cracks and the chips, for they are a testament to our strength, our resilience, our beauty.

And who knows? Perhaps, amidst the broken pieces, you’ll find something truly remarkable—perhaps, amidst the chaos, you’ll find yourself.

Until next time, keep shining bright, my friends.

With love and hope,

Teresa 🐚💖